She's Really Let Her Self Go

“She’s really let herself go”, they laughed-whispered, 

Delight fighting revulsion,

Fingers crossed against misfortune.

“Why yes I have,” I think,

Admiring my rounded belly

Cross-hatched with scars

My double chins wobbling beneath a crooked grin.

I let myself go the moment I became a mother,

Making room in this body for squirming new life full of need and hunger.

Breasts swelling with milk,

Arms thick with a fierce love that could work all day

and hug, and reluctantly open wide to let those babies go

To a life no longer my own.

I let myself go

To swallow your secrets,

Tucking them next to my heart

To keep them safe,

To keep you safe,

Making room for the pain

And joy

Of loving you

Giggling at the wobbly bits

I let my Self go

To become bigger, wilder, fiercer,

And more loving

Than I ever imagined this fragile bit of flesh, this wisp of spirit, could be.

--Sarah Gowan 9/2/17