Pandemic Challenge Levels, Anyone?

OK, as if it's not weird enough being quarantined, the universe has decided I need extra pandemic challenge levels.

Challenge Level 1: The liquor stores in Pennsylvania are closed. OK, this is a really low-level challenge because I can get wine at the grocery store and I don't really need the alcohol anyway, but it's the principle of the thing. You want to see Pandemic Panic up close and personal, close the liquor stores. That's when the sh*t gets real, y'all.

Challenge Level 2: An injury in some forgotten past caused my toenail to spontaneously disconnect itself... but only halfway. IT'S DRIVING ME BONKERS! I could deal with no toenail, but this halfway thing is cruel. Do I trim it? Do I leave it? Solution: wrap it in duct tape until November.

Challenge Level 3: My cat developed an anal gland abscess which requires me to chase him around the house applying hot compresses, rescuing him from cone traps, convincing him the water dish is not trying to drown him, and smearing honey on his butt. (I am not making this up.) This is NOT how I envisioned my super creative and introspective quarantine going down.

Can I just say the universe has a really warped sense of humor?