So this might be the single-most obnoxious email I've ever received from a company who was trying to keep my business. I tried Zurker 96 days ago as a possible alternative to Facebook, but was immediately swamped with spammy connections and idiotic posts. Also the made-up "zurk, zurker, zurking" was more than I could stomach - call me irked, irker, irking. Needless to say the account is closed, the mysterious "vShares" have been forfeited and I am no longer a Zurker (thank the almighty stars above). Here is a beautiful example of a customer-repelling letter to be filed with your Abercrombie & Fitch press releases and Paula Deen cookware.
Hi Sarah Gowan,
The premise behind Zurker has always been that it is a social network owned by the members who use it.
Emphasis on "use it."
If you do not use Zurker, you are not entitled to co-own Zurker.
You last came to Zurker 96 days ago. This is unacceptable. If you continue to refuse to support the project, your vShares will be rescinded.
It's been 18+ months since Zurker was launched. During this time, a huge amount of development has taken place, and the world has shifted in our favor. The world is as ready for a member-owned, ethically run, privacy-oriented social network as it will ever be. We must now come together and support the project with activity and traffic so that we can make an impact on the media, and claim our rightful destiny as the world's next dominant social network.
A large number of members have started zurking regularly and our traffic profile has improved dramatically, by no less than 130,000 Alexa points in just a fortnight - but many more continue to be absent. For Zurker to become successful, we need everyone to show up and support the project.
This includes you, Sarah Gowan.
All you need to do is zurk one post a day. This takes less than 1 minute. I am sure you can spare 1 minute a day to support a project you co-own, but if this is not possible, you might as well close your account now.
I am confident that enough Zurkers will come together and propel us to success. But if not, I will not be held liable for the closure of this project. This is a community-owned, community-driven project. Irrespective of what I do, the community must come together for this project to go anywhere. You are an important part of the community, and I am counting on you to do your part.
Custodian and co-founder of Zurker